The Times...They Are a Changin'...

Well, I have officially transitioned from my job in Residence Life to my job in the English department. Anyone who has known me for longer than 2 days knows that I don't deal so well with transition. I'm doing OK with this one, but today was a little hard. My last day at my ResLife job was last Thursday. On Friday, I began training for my teaching position in the English department. The training has been really great and enjoyable. I'm getting really excited to start teaching next week and get back into class. I'm looking forward to having a more flexible schedule.

One of the things I noticed when I was considering making this change last spring, was that when I was in the English department with my English people (not ones from England), I wanted to do the English thing. When I was in the ResLife department with ResLife people, I wanted to stay there. Ultimately, I know this is the right decision for me. This is the career path I want to pursue. On the first day of training, we were about halfway through the day and I sat down and just had a moment of pure joy. I was so happy that this had finally become a reality. I had another moment when we were having a discussion in training and I said, "I'm not a grammar teacher, I'm a writing teacher." To actually be able to say the words "I'm a teacher" was a bit surreal. To be teaching in a college setting is even better. I'm so excited. But, at the same time, I'm struggling with leaving my old job. I liked my old job. At times, I truly loved it. I love the people I worked with. Usually I leave jobs when I have become completely miserable. Then I wait six months, until I'm even more miserable, before I reach a breaking point and have to do something about it. That didn't happen this time. Sure, there was a moment when something clicked and I realized this isn't what I should be doing. It wasn't long into my first semester of grad school (I think it was about 3 weeks) when I realized a Ph.D. would be in my future. One of the steps to that would have to be getting teaching experience.

I'm so lucky that my department was generous enough to give me a GTA position my second year. Typically those positions are what draw people to a program. They fund your education and give you a stipend. Since I was already in the program and had turned it down the previous year, they knew I wasn't going anywhere. They still decided to give it to me anyway, which means that a potential other student might not come to the program since that position went to me. (There are only a certain number of positions/funding available.)

Despite the fact that I know this is the right thing to do, I have felt some guilt about it. It's a significant pay cut for me. I no longer get benefits. It's a fixed term position. I'm going to graduate myself out of a job in May. I will be working fewer hours while Henry is still working 45+ a week and going to school. He has been nothing but supportive and I'm so appreciative of that. I still feel some guilt though.

Today was hard because it was opening day for the Residence Halls. The day we work so long, and so hard for. It was weird not being a part of the excitement and process. Two halls were remodeled this summer and I went to go look at them today, but I felt like a bit of an outsider. Tonight, we had our opening celebration. Everybody from our office gets together and goes out to eat and drink and celebrate all the hard work. The end of a summer and the start of a new year. I had so much fun. I love hanging out with my former co-workers. I've spent the last few days immersed in English world and hanging out with English people. They're wonderful and I love them. But it's hard seeing myself getting distanced from my ResLife crew. I hope it's not a great distance. I hope the friendships and relationships are able to be maintained. It shouldn't be too hard; I'm only a 5 minute walk away. But I've found that even when you think it should be easy, it isn't always easy to maintain those relationships. I've had friendships end that I NEVER thought would go away. So today was a bit hard because of that, too. Maybe, despite all the best intentions, I won't stay friends with the people I've grown so close to over the last 2 years. This is why I don't do well with transitions. It usually means the end of something, and sometimes it's the end of good things that shouldn't end. So that's why my celebration was tinged with a bit of sadness. I hope it's not the last time. I really, really hope so. I hope these friendships are maintained and grow even stronger. I hope I stop feeling the pull to occupy two worlds and am able to merge them into one totally awesome world that contains totally awesome people.

In the meantime, I have to finish writing a syllabus. That's right; I'm writing a syllabus. Because I'm a teacher.