Photo Essay

A photo essay on why my cat is a complete asshole.... in other words, he's acting exactly like a cat.

Winston is my Betta fish that I got to live at my office about a year ago. He moved to my cubicle in the English department when I did, but he had to come home for winter break. I couldn't commit to going to campus enough times to feed him. Unfortunately, we have a predator at our house. I have seen this cat jump in the air and catch a low flying bird in his mouth. Let me stress here that this is not an exaggeration. I was sitting in my hammock in the front yard and watched this happen. Not a joke. Not taking poetic license. That is exactly what happened.

Anyway...so Winston came home and I set up his residence on top of my reasonably high dresser. My cat never goes up there and by pushing the bowl up to the wall and putting it between my jewelry box and our antique clock, I figured nothing could go wrong. Ha! I was awakened in the middle of the night by the cat using MY BODY as a launch pad to get up to the dresser. He knocked things over. He didn't care.

I yelled, he ran, the next day I covered the fish bowl opening with plastic wrap. Surely that will stop him. Ha!

I found a hole in the plastic wrap. Asshole.

So Winston moved to the office because it is the warmest room in the house and I was concerned that Winston might be a bit chilly. Also, the office has no hiding places and we can shut the door and keep kitty out at night. (If you try to keep Minke out of the bedroom it sounds like the apocalypse is coming..)

Things have been going well, although kitty found him again and likes to stare at him. I was sitting in the office today and witnessed this series of events:

Hello, Winston. You look nice today.

Hmmm... You smell nice too...kind of...fishy....

Ah..I see the human thinks that Stephen Greenblatt will keep you safe.

Hmmm...Stephen Greenblatt is a bit difficult to get around.

Perhaps I can go through this side...

Argh! Foiled! I will remain content to stare at you for the next hour and try to figure out ways to get past this damn Shakespearean scholar!

Yeah...Winston must be kept under close watch.

Day 29

Day 29: I am grateful for my dog.

I know I talk about my dog a lot. And if you're tired of that, feel free to stop reading. But, if you want to hear about how awesome, cool and cute he is, keep on reading.

My dog is the coolest dog ever. His name is Sirius, after the dog star, the brightest star in the sky. It's a matter of chance that I ended up with him. I was supposed to be getting a female puppy, but she died, so I ended up with Mr. S. It's a perfect match. He is spoiled, yet very well behaved. He thinks he owns all the furniture and sleeps sideways on the bed, taking up way too much room. He is abundantly patient with the cat  who frequently attacks him for no reason. Siri sometimes will take a nap and awake to the kitty chewing on his leg, or neck. He will just lick Kitty's head. Sometimes I find kitty and his head and ears are sopping wet and it's because he sat there and chewed on Siri's leg while Siri licked his head. It makes me laugh. Sometimes they snuggle up together and it's super cute.

Siri is the happiest dog. He wags his tail so hard that it wags his whole body. He is a down wagger (meaning his tail points down instead of straight up) so he rarely knocks things over. He always greets me at the door wagging his whole body and super enthused about me coming home. He welcomes all our guests with a nose to the crotch (not his fault, it's just how tall he is). He always knows what are appropriate things to chew on and very rarely chews on things he shouldn't. He does have hard time with stuffed animals - but, to be fair, those are tricky to tell apart. He loves peanut butter and can smell whenever a jar is opened and comes running. He loves to play fetch, and swim, and if he can do both at the same time he is ecstatic. He knows what sneakers are and gets excited when I put them on because he thinks we're going somewhere. He eats the black jelly beans for me because I don't like them. He gets green beans or pumpkin with his dinner and gets annoyed at us if we don't give it to him. He'll just stare at his bowl and then stare at us like we're crazy. He snores. He loves all other dogs. When I cry, he comes running over and sits next to me. Sometimes he licks my hand. He tends to follow me around and will lay down next to the couch or chair I'm sitting in.

He has irrational fears. He hats being put on his back. Hates it. He hates smoke alarms. He doesn't like brooms. He gets really scared when doors open or close on their own (because of wind, not ghosts). He doesn't really like puppies. Actually, he doesn't really like anything that's cuter than he is or gets more attention than he does. Babies aren't high on his list either. He's scared of baths and showers. He accusingly sniffs me when I've been hanging out with another dog.

He's presented me with challenges over the course of living with me. As a puppy, he had a lot of stomach problems and I frequently came home to a dog covered in...well, you know. He once ate an entire rawhide bone and swelled up from all the salt in it. He ate a rotten apple and got pancreatitis and was super sick. He once ate my wall. Chewed up over $200. Swallowed a plastic produce bag and was super sick. He's scraped the skin off his paw pads. In our old house, he would get out of the yard and wander around the neighborhood. This last year he's gotten a bum infection, toe infection, eye infection, and raging ear infection. He sheds everywhere and all the time

He is one of the biggest joys in my life and I love him so much.

Day 28

Day 28: I'm grateful to be officially done with one of my classes!

I presented my final project tonight and I think it went well. The best part is, I'm officially done with work for that class! Next week I get to go listen to everyone else's projects and I'm able to focus on my one remaining class. The end of this semester is less harrowing than other ones I've had. Yay!

Day 27

I missed a day again. Oops!

Day 27: I'm grateful I had a productive day of school work.

I was able to meet my self imposed (and non self imposed) deadlines. My day was productive and relatively stress free. That's rare for this time of year!

Day 26

Day 26: I'm grateful my class play rehearsal got rescheduled so I have time to write my paper tonight. Now if I could just figure out how the heck to write my paper. Is it Thursday yet?

Day 25

Day 25: I'm grateful that the semester is almost over. Although it's not going to be pretty between now and then.

Day 24

Day 24: I am grateful for my amazing husband, Henry.

Today is Henry's birthday. We have been married for almost 4.5 years and I am the luckiest girl in the world. My husband is one of the most amazing people I know. He is kind, patient, generous, thoughtful, loving, considerate, supportive, encouraging, calming, and really, really, ridiculously good looking.

He deals with my crazy. He puts me before himself. He always lets me have a bite (or more) of his food. He helps me get things done. He calms me when I get over stressed. He supports me in every thing I do. He has the utmost faith that I can accomplish anything, even when I don't have it in myself. He thinks I'm smart. He works incredibly hard to support and better our family's prospects. For the last three years, he has been working full time and going to school full time, and still makes time for our relationship. He stays calm in the face of turbulence and is able to make wise decisions, especially when I'm not able to step back and see the big picture. He has incredible personal fortitude and determination. He changes the channel when sad animal commercials come on. He lets me say things I can't say to anyone else and doesn't judge me for it. Around him I can truly be myself, even myself isn't very pretty. He holds me when I cry. He makes me laugh. He always makes me laugh.

He is dedicated and faithful. He loves computers. He loves the internet. But he loves me more. (He always tells me so.) He loves technology. He loves carrot cake, coffee, basic breakfasts, and anything I cook. He likes wood paneled rooms, leather chairs, and Old English and Nordic names. He frequently threatens to name our children Utwyn or Theofin or some other monstrosity. He's afraid of bears. He likes the indoors. He loves electronic music, musicals, and classical music. He loves action movies but will still watch romcoms with me. He prefers open source software and won't by Apple because "they control what you can do." He finds joy in coding and never ceases to be amazed when I can't get excited about it. He can have a conversation with anyone, about anything. He loves hot drinks and eats snacks at midnight, much to my chagrin. He eats sunflower seeds to stay awake on long drives. He likes to travel. He is fun to give gifts to because he gets so excited and appreciates everything.

I'm so lucky to have him as my partner. He's the perfect match for me and I hope to never live a day of my life without him in it. I love him more than anything.

Happy birthday, my dearest love.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
   If this be error and upon me proved,
   I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Day 23

Well, I finally missed a day. I am impressed that it took me until day 23 for that to happen.

Day 23: I'm grateful that my friend happened to go to campus and feed my fish yesterday so he didn't die. Thanks Amber!

Day 22

Day 22: I'm thankful for a holiday where we celebrate all the good in our life, and that we take the time to celebrate that with our friends and family.

Day 21

Day 21: I'm grateful to be prepared for Thanksgiving!

Bread baked, cranberry sauce made, sweet potatoes mashed, pie baked, stuffing prepped, potatoes standing by, turkey brining. I'm looking forward to tomorrow!

Day 20

Day 20: I'm grateful to be able to share with friends and family at Thanksgiving.

I love this holiday and I'm so glad to be sharing it with so many people. The more the merrier! (For those of you who are coming, be advised I will make everyone say what they are thankful for. So start thinking now.) I'm getting excited!

Day 19

Day 19: I'm thankful for a happy birthday filled with people who make feel loved!

I turned 30 today. Eek! It's a hard one for me. I can't imagine myself as a 30 something. How very odd. Luckily, I had a great day. I started by bringing my class donuts. Then I got to hang out in the writing center with some awesome people. I was feeling a bit down this morning (not because of being 30), but my friends took care of me and boosted me up! My day was super busy so eventually I didn't have time to be gloomy. I had lunch with a friend and then had a busy afternoon of meetings and socializing. I went to the store and bought our Thanksgiving turkey. I feel like I'm a bit behind when it comes to Thanksgiving, but getting the turkey was a huge relief. At least I know it should be thawed in time now. I also took a turkey down to the food bank which made me feel awesome. Then, Henry and I went to dinner. That was a small adventure. The restaurant I wanted to go to turned out to be closed on Mondays. (I will never understand why people do that.) So we tried to go to another restaurant that my dad had given us a gift card to but they had a 35 minute wait and we were trying to get to a movie. (Every time we try to use this gift card we fail. Once, there was a 90 minute wait. No thanks. So then, we made reservations but had to cancel them because Henry got stuck at work late. Then, tonight. Sigh, someday.) So we finally ended up at Santa Fe Red's downtown and had HORRIBLE service. We got waters at the same time our food came out, after we had to ask for them. We ordered drinks and got them about 2 minutes before our food came. Then it took forever to get the bill. There were only a couple other tables and our waitress would just disappear for 10 minutes at a time. And even though the restaurant was 90% empty, we got seated next to a large table of people also celebrating a birthday. They were much younger (and louder) than I was. Luckily, we were able to get out in time to make it to our movie. We went to see Skyfall and it was great. We tried to see it on Friday and it was sold out. Sad face. So tonight was successful! It was great coming home and reading all the nice Facebook posts. It's always my favorite day to have Facebook.

So thank you all for helping me to have a nice transition into my 30s!

Day 18

Day 18: I'm grateful for naps.

I took a delightful nap today. It was lovely. I'm thankful that I was able to do that. :)

Day 17

Day 17: I'm grateful for a super fun birthday celebration with some wonderful friends!

Today I had my second annual 29th birthday party. Last year's party was such a success that I decided to repeat it again. My birthday isn't until Monday but who wants to have a party on a Monday? It was a really great time and my friends make me feel so loved. This is always a crazy time of year with my birthday, Henry's birthday, Thanksgiving, and the end of the semester looming. The start of the holiday season can be a busy and a bit challenging, but it's always worth it. I'm so grateful to have such wonderful friends and family who are willing to celebrate with me.

Twenty nine was an interesting year. It was full of changes, a lot of high points, and some of the most difficult times of my life. I'm intrigued to see what 30 will bring. I hope it's something awesome.

Day 16

Day 16: I'm grateful for date night!

Henry and I are going to dinner and the new Bond movie tonight. Poor Hank has been in Billings all day at meetings and is getting back later than intended. Luckily, I was able to get new reservations at a restaurant close to the theater and we'll just go to a later show. I'm so looking forward to spending a nice evening with my favorite person. He's super fun and awesome.

Day 15

Day 15: I'm grateful for massages!

Some friends of mine got me a gift certificate for a massage a little while back and I used it today. It was so wonderful! It was a great way to relax this afternoon and enjoy myself.

Thank you, friends!

Day 14

Day 14: I'm grateful for my job.

I love my job. My job right now is to be a grad student and teach writing. It's awesome. I love my schedule and how free I feel. I do have a ton of work to do and it's never all done, but I get to do it on my own schedule and wherever I want. I feel like I'm my own boss and I love it. I've spent so long working in administration and now I feel so free! I hope I get to keep this kind of job forever.

This job also helped me realize what I want to be doing for the rest of my career. At the beginning of the semester, a lot of people would enthusiastically ask me if I loved teaching. I would give a somewhat reserved answer. I think this is because I was adjusting and figuring out what was going on. (That combined with my challenges earlier in the semester.) I feel like I'm finally starting to come into my own as a teacher. By no means am I perfect. I'm just feeling more and more comfortable being in charge of my own classroom. I'm able to see the difference I'm making for my students and I'm feeling like I have something worthwhile to say. It's a really nice feeling, and I'm finally starting to love my job, just like I hoped I would.

Yay!

Day 13

Day 13: I am grateful for reference librarians!

They are just little angels sent from database heaven. Our reference librarian can navigate through a database like Luke Skywalker using the force to navigate his way to destroying a Death Star. I had a meeting with her this morning to help me with research for my final paper for one of my classes and it was the best 40 minutes of my day (so far). Firstly, she has a master's in English so she knows what we're doing. And, she has an MLS, so she knows what we don't know how to do (or at least not as well). She's a kick in the pants to hang out with. We spent a good deal of time laughing. Actually, she laughed so hard she cried. My paper is about identity and the dog shaming website. So I introduced her to the dog shaming and cat shaming web phenomena. Needless to say, she found them hilarious.

She also told me that every semester we get $7.50 of printing money loaded onto our Cat Card. It's use it or lose it and I can't believe I didn't know about it until now. It made my day. She also talked to me about Shakespeare. Apparently, the library is doing a "Random Acts of Shakespeare" event during finals week. Once every 5 hours, someone is going to get up and perform 3 minutes or less of Shakespeare. How cool is that? Creativity studies show that taking a short break from intense work will send you back to it refreshed. I'm pretty sure I'm going to participate. Any ideas on what to read would be greatly appreciated. A sonnet? A soliloquy? Something funny? Something serious?

So, yes, reference librarians, specifically mine, get my gratitude today. If I am able to go on to a doctoral program, my first order of business will be marching over to the library and becoming best friends my my reference librarian.

Day 12

Day 12: I'm grateful for the long weekend.

Having a long weekend is really helping me recover from the chaos of last week. I still have a lot to do, but having a small reprieve from classes is really helping my stress and sleep level. I'm starting to feel human again. Only about 4 more weeks until winter break....

Day 11

Day 11: I am grateful for the Veteran's who have dedicated, and sometimes sacrificed, their lives in the service of our country.

Thank you.

Day 10

Day 10: I am grateful for my successful day of taking the GRE.

So, the standby worked. After a harrowing drive to Missoula in a crazy snowstorm, we made it last night. I got up this morning and went to the UM campus (where I felt very odd and slightly traitorous) and went to the testing center. I had been told by ETS to get there no later than 8, so I showed up at 7:45. There was a stressful twenty minutes of confusion when the testing center struggled with the differences between the GRE and the Subject GRE and where I was supposed to go since it's a paper test. (Really? It's 2012, ETS.) They were able to make some calls and find out that I was supposed to be in a different building. By this point, it was 8:15 and I was sure it was too late and we had wasted all this time. So I sat there, with tears streaming down my face trying not to show the nice people I was crying. They figured out where I was supposed to go, gave me a map, and I ran over to the building. I found the testing people and it turns out the test started at 9, check in was at 8:30, so my extra time was quite fortunate. I made it and got to take the test.

The test itself wasn't as atrocious as I thought it would be, although, it was atrocious. It consisted of 230 questions in 170 minutes. So yeah, I didn't have time to finish. Luckily, unanswered questions don't count against you. It is clear that the test takers have not taken the Assessment class I took in Spring 2011. The questions were confusing and odd. The phrasing  was irritating. But it wasn't a constant stream of "who wrote this?" (although there was plenty of that). I was incredibly excited when Edmund's Nature speech from King Lear showed up. We spent a lot of time focusing that in my Shakespeare class last semester so I'm pretty sure I rocked that part. And there was a question about Eugene O'Neill, who I studied about 7 weeks ago. Yay! And I read an article for class the other night that mentioned Beloved. Although I have never read it, it gave me enough details and character names that I rocked that question also. My big regret - changing my answer regarding who wrote "The Purloined Letter" from Poe to Doyle. It was Poe! And I knew it! And I erased it and put Doyle. It's been nagging me all day. So irritating. I just should have trusted my gut, and knowledge. Oh well. Best move on.

There was an odd moment when I overheard another girl taking the Lit test telling the proctor that she was going to cancel the test. Then they went to another part of the room and said stuff I couldn't hear. Then I heard her say she would finish and she stomped back to her seat. It was super weird. She was not particularly nice to me when I walked up and asked if I was in the right place. So. Hmmm.

I went back to the hotel and picked up Henry and we headed to lunch at the Mustard Seed. It was delicious. We took a quick lap around the mall and headed home and arrived exactly 24 hours after we left on Friday night. I thought that was odd.

One last cool think - I opened my fortune cookie from lunch and the fortune was, "A short trip to the north will bring happiness in your near future." I can only infer this means I will get a good score. :)

Day 9

Day 9: Today I am grateful for our safe drive to Missoula.

Last night we got about 8 inches of snow in Bozeman, and the whole state was pretty socked in. We had to drive to Missoula tonight so I could go take the stupid GRE tomorrow and I'm so glad we did. My dad was kind enough to get us a hotel room so we didn't have to get on the road at 4 in the morning tomorrow. It took us awhile to get here, but we made it safe and sound with no accidents.

Now to just make it through the test tomorrow...

Day 8

Day 8: I'm grateful for today.

Today was a really good day for me. Nothing stupendous happened, it was just a good day. I've been ridiculously stressed out with work that needs to get done and feeling overwhelmed. After staying up too late on election night, I was also very tired. Those are not good combinations. Today I was able to sleep in, and then I got all my papers graded. This afternoon I fell asleep and took a really long nap. It was awesome. I'm now behind in work because of that nap, but I'm still happy I took it. I feel much better. And although I'm still stressed, I'm feeling slightly better about things.

And now...off to do homework. I may be up late again tonight, continuing this vicious cycle.

Day 7

Day 7: I'm grateful for the elections.

I'm grateful to live in a country where voting is a civic duty, rather than something we have to die for. I'm so lucky to live in this part of the world. America isn't perfect, and I sometimes consider moving to Finland, but it's pretty darn good. I'm also grateful that I got most of what I want in the elections. The older I get the more important certain issues become to me. I voted based on those issues and I was relieved with the outcome of the elections nationwide, and in my own state.

This is all I can write for today because I have boatloads of work to do. It's getting to be that time in the semester, when I have to schedule things like breathing, showers, etc., simply because if I don't, they won't happen.

Day 6

Day 6: I am grateful for my cat.

My cat is awesome. His name is Minke, but he is almost never called that. He is usually called Kitty, or Pud (as in, "I tawt I taw a puddy tat"). He gets called Minke when he is being bad.

My cat was given to me as a birthday gift from my friends Michelle and Jake for my 22nd birthday. I walked in the door a couple of weeks before my birthday and they suspiciously hid something behind their backs. Then they handed me a basket with a towel in it. The towel started moving. I opened it up and saw the cutest little orange kitten.

Minker doodle on day 1

He was about 8 weeks old and darling. Like all kittens, he was wild, and playful, and adorable. He liked (and still likes) to drink out of water glasses. He would climb up on the coffee table and stand up on his back legs to put his face in the glass. I probably should have curbed that behavior, but it was too funny when the glass would fall on him and he would get wet. Only now, he still does it. No glass is sacred and it's a safe bet that if you don't maintain a constant vigil on your glass and go back to it later, Kitty probably drank out of it.

He sleeps in the sun.

He also liked to ride around in the car with me. Since I really wanted a dog and couldn't have one, I treated Minke like a dog. He ran errands with me, hung out in the car while I went shopping, and even went to the bank and meowed into the speaker while a cute bank teller admired him and gave him a dog treat. (Spoiler - I later married that bank teller.) Minke would adventure outside and since we lived by a field, he became a very good hunter. We lived on the first floor and in the summer, I would take the screen off the window so he could come and go as he pleased. He began to pile up mouse bodies by our back door, and one time, he jumped in the window, onto my bed, and left me a headless mouse body. Ewww.

He climbs into bed if it's left unmade.

When he was 1, I had moved into an apartment by myself and got my little black dog. Kitty was doing things like catching birds in mid air (I'm not exaggerating, I saw it), climbing onto the roof of the house and howling at me, and sneaking into Siri's crate and taking a nap. He disappeared for a couple days, much to my dismay, and I found him hidden in a shed. He was in bad shape. My closest guess is that he was hit by a car. He could barely breathe, had cuts and bruises, and was super skinny from not eating or drinking. He had almost no energy and was unable to feed himself. Vet confirmed no broken bones, but did suspect cracked ribs and there was some sort of weird kitty asthma situation. He would have these severe coughing fits and not be able to breathe. However, before we got to this point, I had to hand feed him. By that I mean I had to cut up pieces of meat and force them down his throat. I had to water down powerade and put it down his throat with a dropper. I carried him back and forth to the litter box and made little beds for him on the couch where he would sleep all day. He made a full recovery, using up one of his nine lives. The kitty asthma continued for a long time, maybe a year, and it eventually cleared up. (He spent another one of his nine lives by getting trapped for 9 days in a townhouse that was under construction.)

He naps in a "Minke was here" style.

I am grateful for my kitty because he brings me so much joy. He can be really annoying. He is loud, meows a lot, insists that all doors within the house be open so he has freedom to go where he pleases, will go outside and then demand to come back in at some ungodly hour, he can stomp louder than any 10 pound creature I have ever heard, he attacks the dog, drinks our water (but never his own), steals our food, and slams cupboard doors when he is bored.

He helps with homework.

He can also be really sweet. He is so snuggly. He can hear a soft blanket being spread from anywhere in the house. He is becoming more social and likes to sit on the laps of my friends who are allergic to cats. He snuggles the dog. He likes to sleep with me (and we're working on sleeping next to me, not on me). He does funny things like fall off his perch. He is always willing to snuggle, especially when I'm feeling sad. He revels in helping me with school work. He insists on sleeping on my lap whenever it suits him. He snores. He has freckles on his nose. He curls up and sleeps like a bunny. Sometimes he covers his face when he's sleeping. He has the loudest purrer. He is happy to see me. He has sea foam green eyes and the vet always compliments how beautiful they are. He has lovely stripes. He has white mittens on his paws. (Hence his name Minke, after Minke whales who look like they have mittens.) Sometimes he sticks his tongue out. Sometimes he licks my hand. He drinks milk out of our cereal bowls. He's tried to smack food out of my hands. While he sleeps, he stretches out his paw and rests it on my hand. When we make the bed in the morning, he immediately hops up and lays down, as if to flaunt the fact that he gets to stay home all day and nap. He is ridiculously soft. Sometimes his paws get cold and I warm them for him.

He snugs with Siri.

He's wonderful.
He's obnoxious.
He's never fully forgiven me for getting a real dog.

Day 5

Day 5: Today I am grateful for second chances.

I had a bit of a harrowing day today. My Mondays are often harrowing, but today presented a special challenge. A while ago I decided that I wanted to look at continuing grad school and getting a Ph.D. There's a lot more to this story (about probability of getting accepted while still working on a M.A., the realities of getting into a Ph.D. program, etc) that I won't go into now. But with everything happening this fall, I was a bit turned off from applying. My first choice school has an application deadline of December 15, which is creeping up quite quickly. It's really hard to have to apply for something 10 months before it happens, especially when the ramifications are so large (e.g. moving). I wasn't sure it was something more I could take on, and I don't have much hope of getting accepted this year. I've been dragging my feet, but it has been nagging me. Henry and I talked this weekend and decided that if I didn't apply, I wouldn't get in for sure. If I did apply, there was at least a chance. So I decided to move forward with applying.

My first choice school requires the subject GRE test (blech). This is a truly heinous test that consists of 230 multiple choice questions about everything in literature. Everything. You cannot possibly prepare for this. It's irritating that I have to do it, especially since not every school requires it. My second choice school, for example, does not. Anyway, I had been looking at practice questions, decided I was going to fail miserably, and hope the school would weigh everything else much more heavily and my inevitable dismal test score would be selectively ignored. Today, I went to register for the test, thinking it was just like the general GRE that you could take almost any time. Turns out, it's a paper test that is only issued nationwide three times a year, in October, November, and April. It was jarring when I went to pick a test date and the only option was April. After some frantic clicking, I learned about the three times a year BS. Cue panic attack. I had finally decided to move forward, and now my earlier trepidation was going to cost me. It meant only being able to apply to my second choice school this year, and the concern that I would get in, and have to face some really difficult decisions.

I looked at the November test date and was pleased to learn that it was not until the 10th. I decided to call ETS and see if I could bribe them into letting me take the test. Alas, my bribe didn't work, but they did tell me about one option available to me. I could go on standby for the test. It would cost me an extra $50 (for a grand total of $200 - ouch) and it wasn't a guarantee I could take it. I would only be able to take the test if they had extra testing supplies on hand. Still, better than nothing. The nice gentleman on the phone checked to see if my handy dandy testing center at MSU was giving the test on Saturday. I thought that was weird. Of course they were giving the test. Why wouldn't they be? Well, because no one registered to take it. So they had no reason to send supplies, meaning there was no chance I could take it in Bozeman. Or Helena. I got lucky and they said they were giving it in Missoula. Sigh. This means I have to be in Missoula no later than 8 am on Saturday to possibly take this awful GRE that I now have three days to prepare for (on top of all my other work). Luckily, I have a wonderful husband who agreed to get up at 4 am and drive to Missoula with me. So, wish me luck - first, that I actually get to take the test, second, that it actually tests me on things I know. Specifically, about half of Shakespeare's plays, Narnia, Harry Potter, Jane Austen, and Edgar Allen Poe.

And, despite everything, I am very grateful that I have a chance to take this test. And very grateful that I figured it out in time. I hope it all works out!

Day 4

Day 4: I am grateful for time.

It's appropriate that on Daylight Savings Day (the good one) I'm thankful for time. Today I have spent a lot of time relaxing and reading and realizing how lucky I am. Time today means health, time with loved ones, time spent counting the joys in my life, time at the park, time asleep, and time for gratitude.

If you want to read why I'm so thankful for time today, you can read this blog I stumbled across. Just be sure you have some spare time and a box of Kleenex handy.

Day 3

Day 3: I am grateful for my house.

This morning Henry and I spent some time cleaning up our house, and every time we do that, I think about how much I love it. We are especially lucky to have a home since so many people have lost their homes because of the economic downturn or natural disasters. I am especially grateful for our office, mainly because I have spent the whole day in it. It is so much more inviting and amenable to long days of work since we have redecorated it. (You can read all about the redecorating here.) Henry and I spent the day together working at the table he built, doing homework, grading papers, and having fun. Siri likes to sleep under the table while we work which makes me abundantly happy because he's super cute. It was great spending the day with Henry in our beautiful home.

Day 2

Day 2: I am grateful for my friends.

I have some amazing friends. I have spent the last two nights hanging out with various groups of friends and it's been awesome. (And, yes, that is a pretty packed social calendar for me.) My friends make me laugh, seem to think I'm funny, and for some inexplicable reason, are always there with love and support. I'm not sure what I've done to deserve such amazing friends, but I'm so glad I have them in my life. You all make the good times better and the hard times more bearable. My friends have been so supportive that I'm actually running out of "date" times.

So thank you. Thank you all for making me laugh, hugging me when I cry, sending me kind messages, and the endless offers of thoughts, prayers, love and support. I'm so lucky to have you.

30 Days of Gratitude

Since I don't plan to participate in No Shave November (eww), or NaNoWriMo (meh), I thought I would participate in 30 Days of Gratitude. November is an awesome month. It's my official start of the holidays, contains my birthday, my husband's birthday, my father in law's birthday, and THANKSGIVING! Yay! I love Thanksgiving. And I love cooking for Thanksgiving. And I could use a little emphasis on the positive right now. So, I'm going to give it my best shot. My plan is to post every day this month and say one thing I'm grateful for. Since I know myself pretty well, some posts may consist of one sentence just before midnight. But I'll give it my best shot.

Day 1: I am grateful for honest and considerate roofers.

Our roof suffered from hail damage from a big storm a couple of years ago and we needed to get it replaced. This May we signed a contract with a roofing company, Timmer Roofing, to get us a new one. We chose them because we had both heard of them, they had a good reputation, and they seemed legit. We signed the contract, gave them a $4000 deposit, and they scheduled us for a new roof at the end of August. At the end of August they rescheduled us to the first week in October. During the midst of our miscarriage mayhem, we got a call from the Sheriff's office. Turns out, Timmer Roofing had gone out of business and stolen our money (along with a bunch of other people's money). Just the kind of news we needed at this time.

We are in the process of filing claims against them and have hopes of recovering some of the money. The insurance company will not give us any more and are unable to send their big scary lawyers after them since we were in the contract, not the insurance company. :(

In the meantime, we still needed to get a roof. (I should mention that this spring some of the shingles blew off our roof and it has a patch. We like to class up the neighborhood that way.) My State Farm agent recommended a roofing company and I just happened to call them today. The guy was SOOO nice. I explained the situation and he said they'd been working with a lot of the Timmer people. He said his roofing supervisor was tied up today but should be by in the next day or two to get some measurements. I was sitting at my desk and about an hour later, he pulled up to our house and got the measurements. I took it as a good sign. This guy was also very nice, professional, and efficient. I'm hoping this translates into roofers who will actually give me a new roof. Maybe before the end of the month I'll be able to say I'm grateful for a new roof!

Note: This roofing company said they don't collect any money until the roof is done, and if the company asks for money up front it's a sign that they can't finance the project themselves. Lesson learned the hard way! (It's good he said that because I wasn't planning on giving them any money until I had a roof any way. In the immortal words of G Dub, "Fool me once,shame on you; fool me - you can't get fooled again." Or something along those lines...)

So, if you see the proprietor of Timmer Roofing, feel free to punch him in the face for me. Also, take whatever money he has on him. He owes me.

How do you even title a post like this?

I've been struggling to write this blog post for a long time. I can't quite figure out what to say or how to say it. So here I go. I'm just going to plow through, so bear with me.

The day after I wrote my last blog post, I found out I was pregnant. Henry and I were overjoyed (and a little terrified). Everything was going great. I was four weeks along. I didn't believe the home test, so I went to the doctor and had them draw blood and they confirmed I was pregnant.

When I was at about 6.5 weeks, I had some spotting. It was minimal, but I called the doctor anyway. They decided to do blood tests to test my HCG levels. On Monday, September 10th, the HCG level was in the low normal range. On Wednesday, September 12th, I had another blood test. The HCG had only gone up about 40 points from 2317 to 2355. It should have doubled to 4600. Because of that, we were told the pregnancy was not viable. Henry and I were devastated. It was at this time I notified the few people I had told about the pregnancy that it was not viable. I did this because I was terrified that someone would send me a happy text or something and I couldn't deal with that.

The next morning, we went to the Doc to discuss options. Before we moved forward, she wanted us to have an ultrasound to see where we were at in the miscarriage process. At the ultrasound, we found a heartbeat. The embryo was small for it's age, but still alive. This began two weeks of hell. You think it's bad when you hear a pregnancy is going to end. And it is. It's awful. But the uncertainty of what is going to happen is absolutely unbearable. I had what is called a subchorionic hematoma (SCH). This is a bleed in the uterus and they are actually quite common. They don't always cause problems. This one did. It was too close to the embryo and was cutting off the blood supply. That Saturday, we tested my blood again. The HCG level had increased 300 points. Nowhere near what it should have, but it was a sign that the embryo was still alive. The following Tuesday, we had another ultrasound. The embryo had grown and developed. However, the outlook was still not good. The SCH was basically restricting the blood supply and causing a slow end to the pregnancy.

The Doc decided to give us plenty of time until the next ultrasound. On September 28th, we had the third ultrasound. At this time, there was no longer a heartbeat and the end of the pregnancy was confirmed. Although we had expected this, we were still clinging to the hope that a miracle might happen and the pregnancy could continue. It did not.

I was very lucky to be surrounded by an amazing group of people during this horrible time. My professors, fellow TAs, friends and family were all amazingly supportive. I know I was unpredictable and moody during this whole process. They were there when they needed to be and gone when they needed to be. I had countless offers of help, my professors let me slide on my homework, I was able to use another TAs assignment, people picked up the slack for me, and slowly but surely, life is going back to the new normal. I still have tough times. I tend to get what Henry and I call "the mopes" unpredictably and without warning, although that is getting much better. I'm able to be around people now, I can even talk about it fairly regularly. I'm getting caught up on my work and teaching and getting ready to delve into thesis work, which should have been started long ago. Some days are harder than others but the hard days are coming less frequently.

I may have appeared to drop off the face of the earth to some, so that is the reason why. I'm ready to socialize again (when I'm not inundated with school work) and I'm actually pretty fun to be around, unlike a few weeks ago.

Disclaimers:
1. I did not proofread or re-read this post before publishing. It was hard enough writing it the first time, I couldn't read through it again.

2. It's OK if you don't know what to say to me. You don't have to say anything. (Helpful hint - don't say things like "It's nature's way..." or "It's God's plan..." or whatever. They seem helpful but they're actually not. In any way. And they just make me want to punch you.) If you do want to say something here are some ideas: "I'm sorry for your loss." "I hope you have a successful pregnancy soon." "Would you like to go out for sushi?" "Would you like a cocktail?" "Would you like to ride a roller coaster?"

(End Disclaimers)

So thank you all for your love and support. It means a lot. And hopefully my next blog post will be cooler than this one.

The Times...They Are a Changin'...

Well, I have officially transitioned from my job in Residence Life to my job in the English department. Anyone who has known me for longer than 2 days knows that I don't deal so well with transition. I'm doing OK with this one, but today was a little hard. My last day at my ResLife job was last Thursday. On Friday, I began training for my teaching position in the English department. The training has been really great and enjoyable. I'm getting really excited to start teaching next week and get back into class. I'm looking forward to having a more flexible schedule.

One of the things I noticed when I was considering making this change last spring, was that when I was in the English department with my English people (not ones from England), I wanted to do the English thing. When I was in the ResLife department with ResLife people, I wanted to stay there. Ultimately, I know this is the right decision for me. This is the career path I want to pursue. On the first day of training, we were about halfway through the day and I sat down and just had a moment of pure joy. I was so happy that this had finally become a reality. I had another moment when we were having a discussion in training and I said, "I'm not a grammar teacher, I'm a writing teacher." To actually be able to say the words "I'm a teacher" was a bit surreal. To be teaching in a college setting is even better. I'm so excited. But, at the same time, I'm struggling with leaving my old job. I liked my old job. At times, I truly loved it. I love the people I worked with. Usually I leave jobs when I have become completely miserable. Then I wait six months, until I'm even more miserable, before I reach a breaking point and have to do something about it. That didn't happen this time. Sure, there was a moment when something clicked and I realized this isn't what I should be doing. It wasn't long into my first semester of grad school (I think it was about 3 weeks) when I realized a Ph.D. would be in my future. One of the steps to that would have to be getting teaching experience.

I'm so lucky that my department was generous enough to give me a GTA position my second year. Typically those positions are what draw people to a program. They fund your education and give you a stipend. Since I was already in the program and had turned it down the previous year, they knew I wasn't going anywhere. They still decided to give it to me anyway, which means that a potential other student might not come to the program since that position went to me. (There are only a certain number of positions/funding available.)

Despite the fact that I know this is the right thing to do, I have felt some guilt about it. It's a significant pay cut for me. I no longer get benefits. It's a fixed term position. I'm going to graduate myself out of a job in May. I will be working fewer hours while Henry is still working 45+ a week and going to school. He has been nothing but supportive and I'm so appreciative of that. I still feel some guilt though.

Today was hard because it was opening day for the Residence Halls. The day we work so long, and so hard for. It was weird not being a part of the excitement and process. Two halls were remodeled this summer and I went to go look at them today, but I felt like a bit of an outsider. Tonight, we had our opening celebration. Everybody from our office gets together and goes out to eat and drink and celebrate all the hard work. The end of a summer and the start of a new year. I had so much fun. I love hanging out with my former co-workers. I've spent the last few days immersed in English world and hanging out with English people. They're wonderful and I love them. But it's hard seeing myself getting distanced from my ResLife crew. I hope it's not a great distance. I hope the friendships and relationships are able to be maintained. It shouldn't be too hard; I'm only a 5 minute walk away. But I've found that even when you think it should be easy, it isn't always easy to maintain those relationships. I've had friendships end that I NEVER thought would go away. So today was a bit hard because of that, too. Maybe, despite all the best intentions, I won't stay friends with the people I've grown so close to over the last 2 years. This is why I don't do well with transitions. It usually means the end of something, and sometimes it's the end of good things that shouldn't end. So that's why my celebration was tinged with a bit of sadness. I hope it's not the last time. I really, really hope so. I hope these friendships are maintained and grow even stronger. I hope I stop feeling the pull to occupy two worlds and am able to merge them into one totally awesome world that contains totally awesome people.

In the meantime, I have to finish writing a syllabus. That's right; I'm writing a syllabus. Because I'm a teacher.

Sacajawea Peak 2.0

Last Labor Day,I hiked Sacajawea Peak, the highest peak in the Bridgers. It's about 9700 feet high. After doing it last fall I swore I would never do it again. Once was enough. It's only 4 miles round trip, but you climb 2000 feet in the 2 miles up. And then you go down 2000 feet. I can't decide which is worse. Actually, I can. Up. Up is worse. But down isn't much of a relief.

So, anyway, I decided once was enough and I didn't need to do it again. Enter Amber and Mark. Amber is a good friend of mine from my English program. She and her husband (Mark) decided they wanted to hike it and invited me and Henry. Henry just laughed when I invited him. He did that hike years ago and knew it was a one timer. I, however, seem to be a bit of a masochist. (Hence the triathlon, marathon, triathlon situation I had a few years ago. And the nagging desire I have to do a half Iron. I digress.)

So, yes, I decided to hike it again and Mark, Amber, Sirius, and I set out on a beautiful summer day to scale the Bridgers. We had a great time and the hike was beautiful. Hard, but beautiful. It was nice hiking it with human companions this time, and it was even nicer when they needed a break, too. I may be a masochist, but my athletic strength lies in being able to suffer for long periods of time, not being able to do anything quickly. (Truly, a 10 minute mile is CRUISING for me.) I read a training book one time and it talked about how some muscles are genetically designed to be sprinters, and some are designed to be endurance. Apparently, I got the endurance muscles in excess and absolutely no speed ability. So when other people go my speed it makes me feel more normal.

We had a PERFECT day for the hike. It was warm, but not too hot. Enough of a breeze to cool us down, but not remotely cold. The sky was perfectly clear, until we got home and it started raining. Perfect. When we were hanging out at the peak, there was a glider going by! There were a lot of thermals and updrafts that day so the glider was able to go around for a really long time. He circled the peak about 4 or 5 times over the course of 30-40 minutes. Very cool. Then, when we were coming down, a lady down the trail was shouting and waving her arms at us. Finally, Mark turned around and figured out that she was telling us there were mountain goats behind us! It was very cool. There was a mom and a baby walking up to the peak. I was almost tempted to go back up there. We had stayed for about half an hour and 5 minutes after we left, the goats came. However, it was going to take a lot more than goats to get me to climb back up that mountain. Maybe goats who were giving away money might have done it. Not much else though. So we stood and watched the goats for awhile. I was so happy we got to see them.

Getting close to the top.

Amazing view

The AEGS gavel! Amber and I are the President and Vice President of AEGS this year and we thought it was fitting to bring the gavel to the top of the mountain.

One of my favorite views of all time. I could stare at this for days.

Siri on top of the world!

The glider.

Glider again.

We were exhausted, and Siri is starting to show his age a bit. He was limping by the time we got down and I'm not sure if it was from sore paws or sore muscles. The trail is really rocky and my feet were hurting, so I can only imagine what his felt like. He slept all day the next day (the day we were painting) and I gave him some anti-inflammatory meds. He was doing fine by Sunday night but it was a bit of a rude awakening for me. My little dog isn't as young as he used to be! The trail is also pretty hard on him because there is only water in one spot at the beginning. I have to pack water in for him and he drinks a lot. He did a great job though and was a joy to have around. He also likes to pretend he is part mountain goat and climb down steep parts of the mountain and scare the crap out of me.

Speaking of mountain goats, none of my attempted pictures of the goats turned out. I'll have to see if Mark and Amber got any good ones I can use to put up.

It was a great day and we had so much fun. I may even do this hike again!

Office Remodel

This seems to be the summer of house projects! One of the things we wanted to do this summer was to re-do our office. We spend a lot of time in this room and it's never been very comfortable or inviting. With my schedule change to GTA next year, and working on a thesis, I'm going to be spending even more time in this room. That made it a big priority to get redone during the summer. We've learned the hard way about attempting to get things done during the semester. It doesn't happen. Luckily, we're beginning to form (somewhat) realistic expectations for ourselves.

Here are some pictures of the office before we did the work:

Our computer set up. Blech.

Our bookshelves. I forgot to take before pictures until after I started packing the books, hence the boxes on the ground.

Looking out into the house.

Our plan was to build a big desk that both of us could use at the same time. We wanted to make better use of the room and have more attractive furniture. After some convincing, Henry got me to agree that he could build a desk. It took us a REALLY long time to agree on style, size, function, etc. Henry had grand plans of a desk where everything was built in, hidden away, and massively huge. I had grand plans of something that would fit inside the room and allow room for my legs. It took us awhile to meet in the middle. :)

We finally found some plans online that we thought could work and went to the store a few weeks ago to get some lumber and start building this table! Here we are in progress:

Henry sanding the boards.

The Kreg jig system he used to put the whole table together. No wood glue needed!

The pile of lumber to become a table!

That can't be right.

Much better! But there's a person in the middle of it.

 We had some minor mishaps with the lumber. We ordered 4 2"x10"x12'. They gave us 4 2"x8"x12'. When we went to put the table top together, it was 8 inches too narrow. So Henry went down there and convinced them to give us a board for free. Unfortunately, he was very tired after working on the table all day and had them cut it to 5 feet instead of 6 feet. Oops! That's when we decided to call it for the day.

Sad table. :(

Henry celebrating the solidity of his table!

Finished product!

It took us a while to get the table done! I had little interest in the tedious parts like sanding, and finishing. So Henry did the vast amount of work himself. I would come out and help hold pieces together and decide what should be facing out. Well done, Hank! It's a beautiful table!

Next, we needed to paint the room. We decided on a nice blue color and on Sunday (yesterday), we moved everything out of the room, and painted it!

Here it is! I love the blue with the white trim that was already in the room.

Where the computers used to be.

Where the bookshelves used to be.

We painted the room in one day and put the last coat of poly on the table the night before. That gave us just enough time to get it dry, sanded, and moved into the room on Sunday night!

Here is the finished room:

We love the way the room is now. It makes better use of the space, the window, and we don't feel like we're shoved in a dark hole any more. Siri likes the table too! That has become a frequented spot by him in the last day. He loves hanging out under there!

Bookshelves put back and less cluttered.

We have about500 books, and no room for any more! Unfortunately, (or fortunately) with my career trajectory, it looks like we will be buying many more. I had to buy 17 just for classes this semester! If this continues to a Ph.D., we're going to need a full fledged library.


We absolutely love the new room and I'm looking forward to doing a lot of work in here this winter!

We did take a short break during one of our project days and had Matt and Katrina over for brunch. Henry mad AMAZING pancakes with the sourdough starter we got as wedding present. My mom has been trying to keep it alive for us (I can only keep animals and humans alive, not plants or bacteria) and we finally decided to use it for ourselves. The pancakes were so good and it gave me a chance to use the butter set from the 1920s that Mom in Law gave me!

I got lots of compliments on setting a pretty table - thanks Zana!! And thanks, Mom, for keeping our bacteria alive. The gift givers told us the starter was 40 years old and I'm glad we didn't lose it! We'll try to be more responsible. (Should be easy, I'm hooked on these pancakes! Especially since Henry does all the work!)

DIY Fever

This whole weekend has been filled with DIY projects and home improvement. There are a lot of things we have been wanting to do in our house and it seems like many of the barriers preventing it have gone away and we are enjoying making our home more comfortable and more of what we want. Our laundry room is really more of a laundry closet and it had just a wire rack above the washer and dryer for us to store things. It wasn't the best use of space and didn't look that nice. We have to leave the door open all the time because it's where we keep the cat food and it has the little kitty door to the garage where his litter box is. So making it look nicer AND giving us more storage space is something we've been wanting to do. We've been wanting to put in cabinets. We were at Home Depot the other day (on of our many recent trips) and they were having a sale of 20% off all instock cabinets. We decided to get some unfinished cabinets (which were half the price of the finished ones), bought a quart of stain, spent $3 on stain brushes, and finished the cabinets ourselves. We stained them last night and hung them this morning. We even bought some fancy little knobs to put on them because I thought they were cute.

Henry staining a cabinet.

Henry installing the cabinet.

The mess on our table that is going to be stored in the cabinets.

Ta Da!!!! We are going to put little shelves with baskets in the space between them. But now we're tired. Maybe next weekend.

Once again, I forgot to take a before picture. But you can imagine. In between the painting and cabinet project, we also installed a ceiling fan in our bedroom. It's so much nicer now. Our house doesn't have air conditioning (like many houses in Montana) so it's nice to have a way to help the air move. We also went to the farmer's market and did some other shopping this weekend. We are exhausted, but so happy with everything we have been getting done!

Painting and a Doggy Birthday

 For a long time, we have been needing curtain pullbacks for the curtains over our sliding glass back door. We were at Home Depot and thought we should get some. Then I found some curtains I liked and we decided to get those, too. We came home and installed the curtain pullbacks and when I hung the curtains, we realized they were the exact same color as the wall. We thought it looked stupid. So I put the curtains away and we were going to bring them back. I jokingly said to Henry, "You know, we could just paint the wall and keep the curtains." Little did I know he would be up for the task. So the next day, we went to Lowe's, picked out paint and supplies and spent the next few evenings painting the wall. On Monday, we picked up all the supplies. On Tuesday, we cleaned and prepped the wall. On Wednesday, we taped and painted. I forgot to take a true "before" picture but here are some "during" pictures.

Here is the wall after I started taping.

Siri was banished to the back yard so he got to have a picnic outside.

Siri looking longingly inside. He was distracted by his frisbee shortly after this picture was taken. You can see it in the background behind him. :)

Here it is! The first non-beige paint in our house!

Henry painting away.

More painting.

We took a few nights off after we got the first coat on. On Thursday it was Siri's 7th birthday. It's hard to believe my sweet little dog is already 7 years old! We celebrated a lot that day. I took him to work with me after lunch and he relaxed outside in the shade while I finished my last few hours of work. He got lots of attention and was a very good dog. Then I took him to the special doggy store that has a little bakery and toys. We picked out a fun new toy and he got a special birthday cupcake. Then he joined me and some friends for some after work margaritas. After that, we headed home, picked up Henry and went to our favorite park and took Siri swimming. He came home and zonked out. It was a very busy afternoon for the birthday boy.

View at the park. I love this place. You can see Siri as a little black dot in the water.

His presents - cupcake, cookie that says D-O-G, new toy from West Paw Designs, and skunk with no stuffing, but 2 squeakers.

Henry feeding Siri his treat. I love the action shot of Siri licking his lips. He's so funny.

Kitty skulking around acting indignant that his birthday isn't as big a fuss.

There he is! My most precious dog. This picture makes me smile every time.

 

 

After the birthday celebrations concluded, I put a quick second coat of paint on the wall. The next night, Friday, we went to Shakespeare in the Parks and saw their production of Twelfth Night. The week before we saw Hamlet. Both productions were great! It's one of my favorite Bozeman summer events. On Saturday we were finally ready to put the finishing touches on the paint. When we had pulled the tape off, there were some imperfections we didn't like. So we got hobby brushes and went in there to perfect the lines. I'm SOOOOO glad we did! It looks amazing. We also redid the caulk around the door since it was really hard to get a straight tape line on the caulk. We both agreed that taking the time to do those extra steps really helped make it look professional and polished. Then we remounted the curtain rod and finally hung the curtains that started it all! Here is the final product.

Yay! Done!

 

 

We love the outcome and it is making us want to paint more and more in our house. It has taken us 3.5 years to get the first paint on our walls and I think it's the start of a flood of paint!