Day 2

Day 2: I am grateful for my friends.

I have some amazing friends. I have spent the last two nights hanging out with various groups of friends and it's been awesome. (And, yes, that is a pretty packed social calendar for me.) My friends make me laugh, seem to think I'm funny, and for some inexplicable reason, are always there with love and support. I'm not sure what I've done to deserve such amazing friends, but I'm so glad I have them in my life. You all make the good times better and the hard times more bearable. My friends have been so supportive that I'm actually running out of "date" times.

So thank you. Thank you all for making me laugh, hugging me when I cry, sending me kind messages, and the endless offers of thoughts, prayers, love and support. I'm so lucky to have you.

30 Days of Gratitude

Since I don't plan to participate in No Shave November (eww), or NaNoWriMo (meh), I thought I would participate in 30 Days of Gratitude. November is an awesome month. It's my official start of the holidays, contains my birthday, my husband's birthday, my father in law's birthday, and THANKSGIVING! Yay! I love Thanksgiving. And I love cooking for Thanksgiving. And I could use a little emphasis on the positive right now. So, I'm going to give it my best shot. My plan is to post every day this month and say one thing I'm grateful for. Since I know myself pretty well, some posts may consist of one sentence just before midnight. But I'll give it my best shot.

Day 1: I am grateful for honest and considerate roofers.

Our roof suffered from hail damage from a big storm a couple of years ago and we needed to get it replaced. This May we signed a contract with a roofing company, Timmer Roofing, to get us a new one. We chose them because we had both heard of them, they had a good reputation, and they seemed legit. We signed the contract, gave them a $4000 deposit, and they scheduled us for a new roof at the end of August. At the end of August they rescheduled us to the first week in October. During the midst of our miscarriage mayhem, we got a call from the Sheriff's office. Turns out, Timmer Roofing had gone out of business and stolen our money (along with a bunch of other people's money). Just the kind of news we needed at this time.

We are in the process of filing claims against them and have hopes of recovering some of the money. The insurance company will not give us any more and are unable to send their big scary lawyers after them since we were in the contract, not the insurance company. :(

In the meantime, we still needed to get a roof. (I should mention that this spring some of the shingles blew off our roof and it has a patch. We like to class up the neighborhood that way.) My State Farm agent recommended a roofing company and I just happened to call them today. The guy was SOOO nice. I explained the situation and he said they'd been working with a lot of the Timmer people. He said his roofing supervisor was tied up today but should be by in the next day or two to get some measurements. I was sitting at my desk and about an hour later, he pulled up to our house and got the measurements. I took it as a good sign. This guy was also very nice, professional, and efficient. I'm hoping this translates into roofers who will actually give me a new roof. Maybe before the end of the month I'll be able to say I'm grateful for a new roof!

Note: This roofing company said they don't collect any money until the roof is done, and if the company asks for money up front it's a sign that they can't finance the project themselves. Lesson learned the hard way! (It's good he said that because I wasn't planning on giving them any money until I had a roof any way. In the immortal words of G Dub, "Fool me once,shame on you; fool me - you can't get fooled again." Or something along those lines...)

So, if you see the proprietor of Timmer Roofing, feel free to punch him in the face for me. Also, take whatever money he has on him. He owes me.

How do you even title a post like this?

I've been struggling to write this blog post for a long time. I can't quite figure out what to say or how to say it. So here I go. I'm just going to plow through, so bear with me.

The day after I wrote my last blog post, I found out I was pregnant. Henry and I were overjoyed (and a little terrified). Everything was going great. I was four weeks along. I didn't believe the home test, so I went to the doctor and had them draw blood and they confirmed I was pregnant.

When I was at about 6.5 weeks, I had some spotting. It was minimal, but I called the doctor anyway. They decided to do blood tests to test my HCG levels. On Monday, September 10th, the HCG level was in the low normal range. On Wednesday, September 12th, I had another blood test. The HCG had only gone up about 40 points from 2317 to 2355. It should have doubled to 4600. Because of that, we were told the pregnancy was not viable. Henry and I were devastated. It was at this time I notified the few people I had told about the pregnancy that it was not viable. I did this because I was terrified that someone would send me a happy text or something and I couldn't deal with that.

The next morning, we went to the Doc to discuss options. Before we moved forward, she wanted us to have an ultrasound to see where we were at in the miscarriage process. At the ultrasound, we found a heartbeat. The embryo was small for it's age, but still alive. This began two weeks of hell. You think it's bad when you hear a pregnancy is going to end. And it is. It's awful. But the uncertainty of what is going to happen is absolutely unbearable. I had what is called a subchorionic hematoma (SCH). This is a bleed in the uterus and they are actually quite common. They don't always cause problems. This one did. It was too close to the embryo and was cutting off the blood supply. That Saturday, we tested my blood again. The HCG level had increased 300 points. Nowhere near what it should have, but it was a sign that the embryo was still alive. The following Tuesday, we had another ultrasound. The embryo had grown and developed. However, the outlook was still not good. The SCH was basically restricting the blood supply and causing a slow end to the pregnancy.

The Doc decided to give us plenty of time until the next ultrasound. On September 28th, we had the third ultrasound. At this time, there was no longer a heartbeat and the end of the pregnancy was confirmed. Although we had expected this, we were still clinging to the hope that a miracle might happen and the pregnancy could continue. It did not.

I was very lucky to be surrounded by an amazing group of people during this horrible time. My professors, fellow TAs, friends and family were all amazingly supportive. I know I was unpredictable and moody during this whole process. They were there when they needed to be and gone when they needed to be. I had countless offers of help, my professors let me slide on my homework, I was able to use another TAs assignment, people picked up the slack for me, and slowly but surely, life is going back to the new normal. I still have tough times. I tend to get what Henry and I call "the mopes" unpredictably and without warning, although that is getting much better. I'm able to be around people now, I can even talk about it fairly regularly. I'm getting caught up on my work and teaching and getting ready to delve into thesis work, which should have been started long ago. Some days are harder than others but the hard days are coming less frequently.

I may have appeared to drop off the face of the earth to some, so that is the reason why. I'm ready to socialize again (when I'm not inundated with school work) and I'm actually pretty fun to be around, unlike a few weeks ago.

Disclaimers:
1. I did not proofread or re-read this post before publishing. It was hard enough writing it the first time, I couldn't read through it again.

2. It's OK if you don't know what to say to me. You don't have to say anything. (Helpful hint - don't say things like "It's nature's way..." or "It's God's plan..." or whatever. They seem helpful but they're actually not. In any way. And they just make me want to punch you.) If you do want to say something here are some ideas: "I'm sorry for your loss." "I hope you have a successful pregnancy soon." "Would you like to go out for sushi?" "Would you like a cocktail?" "Would you like to ride a roller coaster?"

(End Disclaimers)

So thank you all for your love and support. It means a lot. And hopefully my next blog post will be cooler than this one.

The Times...They Are a Changin'...

Well, I have officially transitioned from my job in Residence Life to my job in the English department. Anyone who has known me for longer than 2 days knows that I don't deal so well with transition. I'm doing OK with this one, but today was a little hard. My last day at my ResLife job was last Thursday. On Friday, I began training for my teaching position in the English department. The training has been really great and enjoyable. I'm getting really excited to start teaching next week and get back into class. I'm looking forward to having a more flexible schedule.

One of the things I noticed when I was considering making this change last spring, was that when I was in the English department with my English people (not ones from England), I wanted to do the English thing. When I was in the ResLife department with ResLife people, I wanted to stay there. Ultimately, I know this is the right decision for me. This is the career path I want to pursue. On the first day of training, we were about halfway through the day and I sat down and just had a moment of pure joy. I was so happy that this had finally become a reality. I had another moment when we were having a discussion in training and I said, "I'm not a grammar teacher, I'm a writing teacher." To actually be able to say the words "I'm a teacher" was a bit surreal. To be teaching in a college setting is even better. I'm so excited. But, at the same time, I'm struggling with leaving my old job. I liked my old job. At times, I truly loved it. I love the people I worked with. Usually I leave jobs when I have become completely miserable. Then I wait six months, until I'm even more miserable, before I reach a breaking point and have to do something about it. That didn't happen this time. Sure, there was a moment when something clicked and I realized this isn't what I should be doing. It wasn't long into my first semester of grad school (I think it was about 3 weeks) when I realized a Ph.D. would be in my future. One of the steps to that would have to be getting teaching experience.

I'm so lucky that my department was generous enough to give me a GTA position my second year. Typically those positions are what draw people to a program. They fund your education and give you a stipend. Since I was already in the program and had turned it down the previous year, they knew I wasn't going anywhere. They still decided to give it to me anyway, which means that a potential other student might not come to the program since that position went to me. (There are only a certain number of positions/funding available.)

Despite the fact that I know this is the right thing to do, I have felt some guilt about it. It's a significant pay cut for me. I no longer get benefits. It's a fixed term position. I'm going to graduate myself out of a job in May. I will be working fewer hours while Henry is still working 45+ a week and going to school. He has been nothing but supportive and I'm so appreciative of that. I still feel some guilt though.

Today was hard because it was opening day for the Residence Halls. The day we work so long, and so hard for. It was weird not being a part of the excitement and process. Two halls were remodeled this summer and I went to go look at them today, but I felt like a bit of an outsider. Tonight, we had our opening celebration. Everybody from our office gets together and goes out to eat and drink and celebrate all the hard work. The end of a summer and the start of a new year. I had so much fun. I love hanging out with my former co-workers. I've spent the last few days immersed in English world and hanging out with English people. They're wonderful and I love them. But it's hard seeing myself getting distanced from my ResLife crew. I hope it's not a great distance. I hope the friendships and relationships are able to be maintained. It shouldn't be too hard; I'm only a 5 minute walk away. But I've found that even when you think it should be easy, it isn't always easy to maintain those relationships. I've had friendships end that I NEVER thought would go away. So today was a bit hard because of that, too. Maybe, despite all the best intentions, I won't stay friends with the people I've grown so close to over the last 2 years. This is why I don't do well with transitions. It usually means the end of something, and sometimes it's the end of good things that shouldn't end. So that's why my celebration was tinged with a bit of sadness. I hope it's not the last time. I really, really hope so. I hope these friendships are maintained and grow even stronger. I hope I stop feeling the pull to occupy two worlds and am able to merge them into one totally awesome world that contains totally awesome people.

In the meantime, I have to finish writing a syllabus. That's right; I'm writing a syllabus. Because I'm a teacher.

Sacajawea Peak 2.0

Last Labor Day,I hiked Sacajawea Peak, the highest peak in the Bridgers. It's about 9700 feet high. After doing it last fall I swore I would never do it again. Once was enough. It's only 4 miles round trip, but you climb 2000 feet in the 2 miles up. And then you go down 2000 feet. I can't decide which is worse. Actually, I can. Up. Up is worse. But down isn't much of a relief.

So, anyway, I decided once was enough and I didn't need to do it again. Enter Amber and Mark. Amber is a good friend of mine from my English program. She and her husband (Mark) decided they wanted to hike it and invited me and Henry. Henry just laughed when I invited him. He did that hike years ago and knew it was a one timer. I, however, seem to be a bit of a masochist. (Hence the triathlon, marathon, triathlon situation I had a few years ago. And the nagging desire I have to do a half Iron. I digress.)

So, yes, I decided to hike it again and Mark, Amber, Sirius, and I set out on a beautiful summer day to scale the Bridgers. We had a great time and the hike was beautiful. Hard, but beautiful. It was nice hiking it with human companions this time, and it was even nicer when they needed a break, too. I may be a masochist, but my athletic strength lies in being able to suffer for long periods of time, not being able to do anything quickly. (Truly, a 10 minute mile is CRUISING for me.) I read a training book one time and it talked about how some muscles are genetically designed to be sprinters, and some are designed to be endurance. Apparently, I got the endurance muscles in excess and absolutely no speed ability. So when other people go my speed it makes me feel more normal.

We had a PERFECT day for the hike. It was warm, but not too hot. Enough of a breeze to cool us down, but not remotely cold. The sky was perfectly clear, until we got home and it started raining. Perfect. When we were hanging out at the peak, there was a glider going by! There were a lot of thermals and updrafts that day so the glider was able to go around for a really long time. He circled the peak about 4 or 5 times over the course of 30-40 minutes. Very cool. Then, when we were coming down, a lady down the trail was shouting and waving her arms at us. Finally, Mark turned around and figured out that she was telling us there were mountain goats behind us! It was very cool. There was a mom and a baby walking up to the peak. I was almost tempted to go back up there. We had stayed for about half an hour and 5 minutes after we left, the goats came. However, it was going to take a lot more than goats to get me to climb back up that mountain. Maybe goats who were giving away money might have done it. Not much else though. So we stood and watched the goats for awhile. I was so happy we got to see them.

Getting close to the top.

Amazing view

The AEGS gavel! Amber and I are the President and Vice President of AEGS this year and we thought it was fitting to bring the gavel to the top of the mountain.

One of my favorite views of all time. I could stare at this for days.

Siri on top of the world!

The glider.

Glider again.

We were exhausted, and Siri is starting to show his age a bit. He was limping by the time we got down and I'm not sure if it was from sore paws or sore muscles. The trail is really rocky and my feet were hurting, so I can only imagine what his felt like. He slept all day the next day (the day we were painting) and I gave him some anti-inflammatory meds. He was doing fine by Sunday night but it was a bit of a rude awakening for me. My little dog isn't as young as he used to be! The trail is also pretty hard on him because there is only water in one spot at the beginning. I have to pack water in for him and he drinks a lot. He did a great job though and was a joy to have around. He also likes to pretend he is part mountain goat and climb down steep parts of the mountain and scare the crap out of me.

Speaking of mountain goats, none of my attempted pictures of the goats turned out. I'll have to see if Mark and Amber got any good ones I can use to put up.

It was a great day and we had so much fun. I may even do this hike again!

Office Remodel

This seems to be the summer of house projects! One of the things we wanted to do this summer was to re-do our office. We spend a lot of time in this room and it's never been very comfortable or inviting. With my schedule change to GTA next year, and working on a thesis, I'm going to be spending even more time in this room. That made it a big priority to get redone during the summer. We've learned the hard way about attempting to get things done during the semester. It doesn't happen. Luckily, we're beginning to form (somewhat) realistic expectations for ourselves.

Here are some pictures of the office before we did the work:

Our computer set up. Blech.

Our bookshelves. I forgot to take before pictures until after I started packing the books, hence the boxes on the ground.

Looking out into the house.

Our plan was to build a big desk that both of us could use at the same time. We wanted to make better use of the room and have more attractive furniture. After some convincing, Henry got me to agree that he could build a desk. It took us a REALLY long time to agree on style, size, function, etc. Henry had grand plans of a desk where everything was built in, hidden away, and massively huge. I had grand plans of something that would fit inside the room and allow room for my legs. It took us awhile to meet in the middle. :)

We finally found some plans online that we thought could work and went to the store a few weeks ago to get some lumber and start building this table! Here we are in progress:

Henry sanding the boards.

The Kreg jig system he used to put the whole table together. No wood glue needed!

The pile of lumber to become a table!

That can't be right.

Much better! But there's a person in the middle of it.

 We had some minor mishaps with the lumber. We ordered 4 2"x10"x12'. They gave us 4 2"x8"x12'. When we went to put the table top together, it was 8 inches too narrow. So Henry went down there and convinced them to give us a board for free. Unfortunately, he was very tired after working on the table all day and had them cut it to 5 feet instead of 6 feet. Oops! That's when we decided to call it for the day.

Sad table. :(

Henry celebrating the solidity of his table!

Finished product!

It took us a while to get the table done! I had little interest in the tedious parts like sanding, and finishing. So Henry did the vast amount of work himself. I would come out and help hold pieces together and decide what should be facing out. Well done, Hank! It's a beautiful table!

Next, we needed to paint the room. We decided on a nice blue color and on Sunday (yesterday), we moved everything out of the room, and painted it!

Here it is! I love the blue with the white trim that was already in the room.

Where the computers used to be.

Where the bookshelves used to be.

We painted the room in one day and put the last coat of poly on the table the night before. That gave us just enough time to get it dry, sanded, and moved into the room on Sunday night!

Here is the finished room:

We love the way the room is now. It makes better use of the space, the window, and we don't feel like we're shoved in a dark hole any more. Siri likes the table too! That has become a frequented spot by him in the last day. He loves hanging out under there!

Bookshelves put back and less cluttered.

We have about500 books, and no room for any more! Unfortunately, (or fortunately) with my career trajectory, it looks like we will be buying many more. I had to buy 17 just for classes this semester! If this continues to a Ph.D., we're going to need a full fledged library.


We absolutely love the new room and I'm looking forward to doing a lot of work in here this winter!

We did take a short break during one of our project days and had Matt and Katrina over for brunch. Henry mad AMAZING pancakes with the sourdough starter we got as wedding present. My mom has been trying to keep it alive for us (I can only keep animals and humans alive, not plants or bacteria) and we finally decided to use it for ourselves. The pancakes were so good and it gave me a chance to use the butter set from the 1920s that Mom in Law gave me!

I got lots of compliments on setting a pretty table - thanks Zana!! And thanks, Mom, for keeping our bacteria alive. The gift givers told us the starter was 40 years old and I'm glad we didn't lose it! We'll try to be more responsible. (Should be easy, I'm hooked on these pancakes! Especially since Henry does all the work!)

DIY Fever

This whole weekend has been filled with DIY projects and home improvement. There are a lot of things we have been wanting to do in our house and it seems like many of the barriers preventing it have gone away and we are enjoying making our home more comfortable and more of what we want. Our laundry room is really more of a laundry closet and it had just a wire rack above the washer and dryer for us to store things. It wasn't the best use of space and didn't look that nice. We have to leave the door open all the time because it's where we keep the cat food and it has the little kitty door to the garage where his litter box is. So making it look nicer AND giving us more storage space is something we've been wanting to do. We've been wanting to put in cabinets. We were at Home Depot the other day (on of our many recent trips) and they were having a sale of 20% off all instock cabinets. We decided to get some unfinished cabinets (which were half the price of the finished ones), bought a quart of stain, spent $3 on stain brushes, and finished the cabinets ourselves. We stained them last night and hung them this morning. We even bought some fancy little knobs to put on them because I thought they were cute.

Henry staining a cabinet.

Henry installing the cabinet.

The mess on our table that is going to be stored in the cabinets.

Ta Da!!!! We are going to put little shelves with baskets in the space between them. But now we're tired. Maybe next weekend.

Once again, I forgot to take a before picture. But you can imagine. In between the painting and cabinet project, we also installed a ceiling fan in our bedroom. It's so much nicer now. Our house doesn't have air conditioning (like many houses in Montana) so it's nice to have a way to help the air move. We also went to the farmer's market and did some other shopping this weekend. We are exhausted, but so happy with everything we have been getting done!